9 orgasm myths you need to stop believing

When you first start learning about sex, it can seem as though an orgasm is simple and easy to attain.

But for many people, this isn't exactly the case. Orgasms are often trickier and more elusive than sex ed and pornography can make them appear. This can lead to feelings of self-doubt or guilt when real-life sex doesn't go quite so easily.

Here, certified sex therapists explain what you should actually believe about orgasms, and which ideas you need to leave behind.

Myth 1: Everyone has an orgasm when they have sex.

Because sex is often portrayed in the media as orgasm-centric, it can be easy to assume there is something wrong with you if you don't have an orgasm every time you have sex.

But according to sex therapist Rachel Hoffman, orgasms and sex don't always have to be tied to one another.

"The emphasis on an orgasm creates an abundant amount of anxiety in relationships and in sexual interactions," Hoffman told INSIDER. "We need to shift the focus [in sex] away from orgasm to pleasure. Many individuals might feel a great deal of pleasure but not reach orgasm."

Orgasms can come without penetrative sex through masturbation and foreplay. And, given that only about 18% of people with vaginas can reach orgasm through intercourse alone, according to a study published in the  Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, sex itself may often come without orgasms.

This doesn't mean you should completely give up on ever having an orgasm when you have sex, but it also doesn't mean you need to consider a sex a failure if it doesn't end in an orgasm.

Myth 2: There is only one kind of orgasm.

Some believe there are a number of orgasms — G-spot, vaginal, clitoral — a person with a vagina can have. Others say there is only one kind of orgasm, and anything else is an impossible-to-grasp myth.

In truth? It's complicated. 

"Experts are divided on this question," Jessa Zimmerman, a sex therapist and author of "Sex Without Stress," told INSIDER. "It's important to understand that the clitoris is actually a much larger organ than most of us realize. What we see on the outside is just the tip, or glans, of the clitoris and some of the hood or cover. It extends into the body with two long legs that run along the vagina. So no matter what genital stimulation you receive that results in orgasm, it is probably activating the clitoris, inside or out."

So, in that respect, all orgasms can technically be considered the same, because they come from the same source.

On the other hand, many people with vaginas say certain kinds of orgasms feel different, depending on the part of their body that gets touched and the kind of stimulation received.

"There is a complex of tissue that can be stimulated, the clitoral-urethral-vaginal complex (what has often been referred to as the G spot), that some women enjoy and respond to," Zimmerman told INSIDER. "In that sense, some women experience something different, and it makes sense to them to think of it as a different type of orgasm."

In the end, it doesn't really matter. If you feel that you experience many different kinds of orgasms, that's great. If you've only ever experienced one, that's also great. 

"What matters is to find what pleases you and to share that with your partner," Zimmerman told INSIDER. "There is no right or wrong."

Read more:9 questions about your G-spot you were too afraid to ask

Myth 3: There's something wrong with you if you can't have an orgasm.

Some people have trouble reaching orgasm. If you are among them, it's important to know that there is nothing wrong with you.

That said, there are things you can do to try and make having an orgasm easier, should you feel so inclined. The first step is asking yourself some questions.

"My first question would be: what have you attempted to achieve an orgasm?" Hoffman told INSIDER. "Are you able to achieve an orgasm through masturbation? There are many factors that can play into the inability to reach orgasm including anxiety, medication, or stage of life changes (menopause, weight loss or gain, stress at work, etc.)."

Self-diagnosing such issues on your own can be tricky. For help, it might be useful to visit a sex therapist.