- When you're not enjoying sex, you might be wondering why, but the truth is that our sex drives are impacted by so many things.
- Both your physical and mental health can be the cause of a low libido.
- Stress, certain medications, and a feeling of shame could all be reasons you may not be enjoying sex.
Your sex drive is determined by so many factors and it can constantly change depending on what's going on in your life, as well as your physical and mental health. Whether you're dealing with short-term or long-term sexual dissatisfaction, it's normal to wonder why you're not enjoying sex.
According to experts, here are some reasons you may not be enjoying sex.
Editor's note: This post contains some information that may be triggering to those who have experienced sexual assault or trauma.
You're engaging in sexual activities before you're adequately aroused.
Preparing your mind and body for sex can be crucial to actually enjoying it and taking time to get aroused may help prepare your body for sex.
"Foreplay gets the 'blood flowing' to the genitals and helps with lubrication and the ability to climax during sexual activity," Michael Ingber, MD, Board-certified in Urology and Female Pelvic Medicine & Reconstructive Surgery at the Center for Specialized Women's Health, division of Garden State Urology/Atlantic Medical Group told INSIDER.
"Many people get caught up in the idea that sex is equivalent to intercourse," added Melissa Coats, psychotherapist and owner at Coats Counseling, LLC. "Foreplay is sex and by taking the pressure off of the thought that there must be one outcome in a sexual experience, you can free yourself up to enjoy foreplay and focus on your own pleasure rather than the worry."
You're not mentally or emotionally ready to have sex.
As important as it is for your body to be ready for sex, your mind also needs to be ready, too. "Context is everything," said Coats. "For example, If you come home from a long day of work feeling anxious, upset, and overwhelmed and your partner tries to make sexual contact, you will most likely not be able to access your [feelings of] desire and pleasure easily."
She said context includes a variety of things including your environment, level of stressors, or even the state of your relationship with a sexual partner.
You're dealing with anxiety about your body or appearance.
Sex can be an extremely vulnerable situation, so if you're not feeling comfortable in your own skin, you may find it more difficult to enjoy sex.
"Anxiety is the enemy of desire and pleasure," Coats told INSIDER. "In order to experience sexual pleasure, we need to be present in the moment and with our bodies. If you are experiencing negative self-talk about your body, your mind is not on how much you are enjoying your body and what it is experiencing."
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